My Mother Nearly Killed Me at Walmart

It was a comfortable December day when we visited Walmart. My mother hadn't been out for a while due to a nasty cold, but she was feeling better, except for a nagging cough. As we walked through the automatic doors and was greeted by the greeter, mom informed me that she needed to go to the bathroom. I followed her but I waited outside the bathroom because it was very busy in there. I do believe it was either the day before Christmas, or the day after Christmas. Needless to say, there seem to be millions of people in this store.
I was waiting right outside the bathroom door for mom to come out, and she did..... walking quite fast. I trailed behind her as she walked in between the cashiers, and I saw her, in slow motion mind you, raise her hand to her mouth as she coughed very hard. Almost in sync, she coughed and blew the back end out of her britches!! I literally saw the seam on the back of her pants ripple from the power of that blast! IN SLOW MOTION! And just as fast as it happened, she stood completely erect, and again in slow motion she turned around, actually she only turned her body from the waist up, looked over her shoulder at me with the look on her face like, "Did you hear that?" Twas the end of me!
Mom was so embarrassed she started walking away quickly. I, on the other hand, lost most of the feeling in my lower body from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard and uncontrollably! I tried so hard to breath, but couldn't. I couldn't see anything, hear anything, and my body was numb! Mom, oblivious to my condition, continued walking, not knowing that I was far behind and near death! I had made it to a rack of videos that was made like a pyramid, and I clutched on to it, still laughing, drooling, turning purple, wheezing, hurting, crying, looking like I was completely drunk! I can only imagine what I must have looked like , even on the surveillance cameras!
Mom finally realized I wasn't behind her, so she came back looking for me. It took a little while before I gained some composure, but when I did, we ran into some friends of mine in the card section. They started to tell me about some trouble they had with their car losing it's muffler and making such loud noise! I lost it again, but this time it wasn't as severe!
Needless to say, you can see a pattern of what happens when my mother and I go to Walmart!! Anything to add mom???