THE LIZARD INCIDENT

Here in the south where I live the ground is so fertile if you drop a marshmallow the next morning it will have grown into a tree. It is a wonderful place to grow your own groceries. But, as I've said in an earlier post, we have a squirrel and rabbit problem. The squirrels here will start stealing your tomatoes just as they are turning pink, take a bite, throw it on the ground, and go to the next. Needless to say I'm not fond of squirrels, but I figured I was SMARTER than they are. So I asked my husband to make some planter boxes that could have chicken wire cages around them. Always up for a challenge he started making plans straight away. Within a few days I had my "critter outwitters." They were 4 ft x 4 ft square wooden boxes. The boxes were about 10 inches tall and the frames were made of wood and chicken wire, about 4 feet tall. There was even a chicken wire frame for the top. These were very nice and I was impressed. We filled them full of soil and set out our plants. Only problem was he put the boxes in front of the fence. When the maters and peppers started getting taller the acorns and pecans and various other seeds deposited by squirrels and birds started to grow on the other side of that fence and were shading my veges, so those trees had to go. Problem here. The fence sits about 1 foot from the edge of a wall that is probably 7 feet tall. No way could I get on the other side of the fence to cut those trees. So, as is the custom with my husband, in my time of need he was taking a nap on the couch, and I grabbed the loppers to at least cut the top branches off those trees so my veges could get the sunshine they need. Was probably 98 to 100 degrees out that afternoon. I was in my long britches, white socks and tennis shoes. I took the top off of one of the planters so I could stand on the edge of it to cut the branches. The side of the planter was probably 3 inches wide. I am balancing on the 3 inches of that planter on my right foot, and as I raised my loppers up over my head (I'm as round as I am tall) I found just the right spot where I could cut that trunk and get about 8 feet of tree and several branches in one fell swoop. As I started to lop that trunk, my left leg naturally came out to the side to help balance the bod and that is when I saw THE LIZARD. He was on my sock looking up my britches leg. About that time the 8 feet of tree fell on me (skinny trunk) and I am covered in this tree and its branches. Now you just have to imagine this part to truly appreciate it. I start kicking my left leg at warp speed in this 98 degree heat, balancing on a 3-inch wide piece of wood about 10 inches off the ground, almost completely covered in this tree and that LIZARD dug into my sock with every toe he had and held on for what I am sure was the wildest ride of his life. When I was totally exhausted and had no choice but to put that leg down, I figured I was just going to come out of my britches in broad daylight in full view of the neighbors because that lizard would be heading for places I didn't want him to become familiar with, but the lizard jumped off my sock and went in the opposite direction as fast as he could. I don't know if I looked like Miss Piggy pirouetting on a balance beam, or a tree having a convulsion, but I can honestly tell you that from that day on I tuck my pants into my socks when I go out in the yard.