For the past 3 years since I've been going to Kim's recitals we have had tornadoes all around us. But they won't call them off and I want to see my granddaughter play on stage so I go. However, as I was looking at the program last night one of the girls was playing "The Campbells Are Coming." Well, I looked at that and years ago (back in the 70s or maybe even earlier) there was a commercial on TV about Campbells Beans. They were singing "The Campbells are coming with 4 great beans." I was singing it for Kim and anybody else who was in earshot. But surely this could not be the same song...surely not. Well, surely was. She played the first couple of notes and I went into hysterics. I was laughing so hard I was shaking my seat, I hunkered down in my seat, I put the program in front of my face, turned red, was soaked to the bone and just when I thought I gained composure, SNORTED LOUD, and started all over again. There is my wonderful daughter SNAPPING PICTURES of this.
Sure am glad that song wasn't too long.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
piano recitals cause tornadoes
We had TERRIBLE weather yesterday, tornadoes, it was awful. I worked right up until the time I had to leave for Kim's piano recital. It was already thundering off the the distance. About halfway through the recital we could hear the thunder getting louder. By the time we left the lightning was constant and horrific, although Nae thought it was beautiful. Something is so wrong with that girl. I got out from under the awning at the school to walk to my car, holding my keys in my hand, and the lightning was so close and loud you could feel the heat off it. Right at the same time one of those awful June beetles (the kind that plow into you at high speed) high-speeded right into my head. I thought I'd be struck by lightning. I hollered and then saw the stupid beetle and if you have never seen a 200-pound woman run a city block in 2 seconds flat, well it is something to behold. I got in my car, Nae was in her car in front of me, and I didn't have time to put on my glasses and I'm night blind. We are fairly racing to get to the house and in the basement and I can only see her tail lights and the lightning. I'm not going ANYWHERE this afternoon because we are supposed to have more of the same. I blame it on the piano recital. Every year since I've been going they seem to attract tornadoes!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Don't have a tractor, mamma needs a goat
I will preface this by saying the neighbor's yard is a fright, they don't live there, and I don't have time to keep it mowed, so I wanted 2 goats. I got a goat and a half. So these are the emails that were passed around on Monday morning after the auction. I took out everybody's name except mine and Renae.
--------
Monday morning everyone. I am already pooped! I watered the garden and put straw under most of it! How is your day going?
Okay, here's the story.......Mom went to an auction the other day. Well, at first it was Grace and I at the auction. We bought 4 bales of straw and 3 large garden tubs. It got hot and I was hungry so we went home. Our purpose of going was to buy a goat to eat all the weeds in our neighbors yard! So Grace and I went home and mom wanted to go back with me. Grace wanted to stay home. We went back and guess what mom bought?? A pregnant goat! It's a small nanny goat. Mom wanted to get the Billy Goat but his balls were too big! (You have to ask her!) So, we have a cute little goat! Picture enclosed!
Renae
-------
I wanted to name the goat Ellen. I thought Renae and Sandie were going to pee their pants when I told them that. When Sandie came over to see the goat, she said the goat was just too cute to call it Ellen. (Billie, you will appreciate that story). So her name is Nanny. I was going to buy the boy goat, too, but they poised him so the back of him was facing me and what was hanging between his legs to his knees so was disgusting I didn't want him. I thought he was deformed. I would have named him Ellen, for sure. That goat didn't want to move. He sat down like a stubborn mule and it took 2 men pulling on his horns and another one pushing from the rear to get that goat to move. They sold a Llama for 15 bucks. I didn't know that Llamas eat weeds. He is 50 times bigger than Nanny. If I had bought to Llama to go with the goat, half an acre would have been eaten this morning. I may end up buying a Llama, too. I told Grace I was going to walk the goat down the street on a rhinestone leash and tell everyone it was my dog Spot. Then when I get the Llama I'm going to walk it down the street on a rhinestone leash and tell everyone it is my dog Spot. Then I'm going to take turns putting the cats on a rhinestone leash and telling everybody they are my dog Spot.
Couldn't figure out where there were 2 fences across the back yard, one about 4 feet tall, then about 2 feet of walk way and then the 8 or 9 feet tall fence with barbed wire. Grace saw a white tailed deer out there yesterday so that explains the fences. They ain't gonna get my blueberries, grapes, or watermelon.
Love you,
Mom
------
Follow up message
Well, the auction was interesting. It was HOT in there. We were sitting by the door where they were bringing in the animals. Renae had to put on makeup and cute clothes to SIT IN AN ANIMAL AUCTION. I picked myself right up out of the dirt pile in the yard and went. Sweat pouring off me so that I literally looked like a mud pie. Didn't care. Needed a goat. Figured the goat wouldn't mind. So I'm sitting next to Renae and the auctioneer is speaking some kind of language I don't understand but every so often I could make out a price. We were having fun watching all the animals and there was a goose that all of a sudden poked his head up through the chicken wire on his box, like a jack-in-the-box. He looked around, quacked "AFLAK" and then dropped fast back into the box like he fell off a 10-foot roof. I couldn't stop laughing. And that was when we saw the WASP. Renae doesn't like wasps. She said they get lost in her hair so she shoos it toward ME. I told her if it lands on me I'll stand up and do a "get-that-wasp-off-me-now" dance, which would be the WRONG thing to do at an auction, as we'd have bought the entire menagerie. Auction over. One skinny old cowboy was yelling "Ho" and pointing at people every time the auctioneer was doing his 180-mph sentences and I didn't know if he was asking for one or calling us one. He tried to talk a young guy sitting next to us into buying the llama and this kid says "You couldn't GIVE me a Llama" and then he says "How would I even get one home." Ahhh, the cue I had been waiting for. I told him "you have to ride it, it's cheaper than gas." He wasn't amused, but the old cowboy was. There is a lot more that is hilarious but I need to get to work. Suffice to say, we got a 2-for, a pregnant nanny. Maybe I'll get a little boy goat out of this deal.
Love you,
Mom
-----------
By the way, we can't let the goat in our yard because it would probably eat our tent!
--------
Monday morning everyone. I am already pooped! I watered the garden and put straw under most of it! How is your day going?
Okay, here's the story.......Mom went to an auction the other day. Well, at first it was Grace and I at the auction. We bought 4 bales of straw and 3 large garden tubs. It got hot and I was hungry so we went home. Our purpose of going was to buy a goat to eat all the weeds in our neighbors yard! So Grace and I went home and mom wanted to go back with me. Grace wanted to stay home. We went back and guess what mom bought?? A pregnant goat! It's a small nanny goat. Mom wanted to get the Billy Goat but his balls were too big! (You have to ask her!) So, we have a cute little goat! Picture enclosed!
Renae
-------
I wanted to name the goat Ellen. I thought Renae and Sandie were going to pee their pants when I told them that. When Sandie came over to see the goat, she said the goat was just too cute to call it Ellen. (Billie, you will appreciate that story). So her name is Nanny. I was going to buy the boy goat, too, but they poised him so the back of him was facing me and what was hanging between his legs to his knees so was disgusting I didn't want him. I thought he was deformed. I would have named him Ellen, for sure. That goat didn't want to move. He sat down like a stubborn mule and it took 2 men pulling on his horns and another one pushing from the rear to get that goat to move. They sold a Llama for 15 bucks. I didn't know that Llamas eat weeds. He is 50 times bigger than Nanny. If I had bought to Llama to go with the goat, half an acre would have been eaten this morning. I may end up buying a Llama, too. I told Grace I was going to walk the goat down the street on a rhinestone leash and tell everyone it was my dog Spot. Then when I get the Llama I'm going to walk it down the street on a rhinestone leash and tell everyone it is my dog Spot. Then I'm going to take turns putting the cats on a rhinestone leash and telling everybody they are my dog Spot.
Couldn't figure out where there were 2 fences across the back yard, one about 4 feet tall, then about 2 feet of walk way and then the 8 or 9 feet tall fence with barbed wire. Grace saw a white tailed deer out there yesterday so that explains the fences. They ain't gonna get my blueberries, grapes, or watermelon.
Love you,
Mom
------
Follow up message
Well, the auction was interesting. It was HOT in there. We were sitting by the door where they were bringing in the animals. Renae had to put on makeup and cute clothes to SIT IN AN ANIMAL AUCTION. I picked myself right up out of the dirt pile in the yard and went. Sweat pouring off me so that I literally looked like a mud pie. Didn't care. Needed a goat. Figured the goat wouldn't mind. So I'm sitting next to Renae and the auctioneer is speaking some kind of language I don't understand but every so often I could make out a price. We were having fun watching all the animals and there was a goose that all of a sudden poked his head up through the chicken wire on his box, like a jack-in-the-box. He looked around, quacked "AFLAK" and then dropped fast back into the box like he fell off a 10-foot roof. I couldn't stop laughing. And that was when we saw the WASP. Renae doesn't like wasps. She said they get lost in her hair so she shoos it toward ME. I told her if it lands on me I'll stand up and do a "get-that-wasp-off-me-now" dance, which would be the WRONG thing to do at an auction, as we'd have bought the entire menagerie. Auction over. One skinny old cowboy was yelling "Ho" and pointing at people every time the auctioneer was doing his 180-mph sentences and I didn't know if he was asking for one or calling us one. He tried to talk a young guy sitting next to us into buying the llama and this kid says "You couldn't GIVE me a Llama" and then he says "How would I even get one home." Ahhh, the cue I had been waiting for. I told him "you have to ride it, it's cheaper than gas." He wasn't amused, but the old cowboy was. There is a lot more that is hilarious but I need to get to work. Suffice to say, we got a 2-for, a pregnant nanny. Maybe I'll get a little boy goat out of this deal.
Love you,
Mom
-----------
By the way, we can't let the goat in our yard because it would probably eat our tent!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
BREAKING IN THE NEW TENT
Well, we are in Kansas. Weather radio going off again. Bad weather again. It is OPPRESSIVE outside. We've run the air conditioner all day today.
We are going to the carp tournament in 2 weeks and are camping out at the lake. Bought a new tent. A big tent. As Daniel calls it, our 3 bedroom, 2 bath condo with an upstairs. Nae and Daniel set up the tent yesterday. We spent the night in the new tent-- Nae, Grace and moi. We had 2 cots, a rollaway bed, that round outdoor couch that will sleep 2, a single blow-up mattress and Daniel wanted to put the love seat in there, but Nae drew the line on that one. Daniel was trying to figure out how to get a porta potty hooked to the sewer system. We still had room for stuff. We are gooooood.
We took the rain top off the side Grace and I were on so we could see the stars because, as everybody knows, there are no stars in Birmingham. It was good and cool last night. Admired the stars until we conked out. Not supposed to rain at all.
YEAH RIGHT. About 2:30 this morning the sky fell in and POURED water on me and Grace. Nae left her side of the rain top on, guess she's seen the stars before. I'm dead asleep and can't figure out why I'm all of a sudden drowning and then I hear Grace say "is that on my face." I'm yelling RAIN. Nae gets up, races outside the tent barefoot and has to run from the back to the front of the tent several times to get the rain cover on. And THEN it started lightning. My eyes are still trying to focus what with being sound asleep and now drenched and I'm still trying to find my shoes which, by the way, had migrated to underneath Grace's cot. And then Grace realizes it is raining on her and turns on her flashlight/spotlight IN MY FACE, blinding me, because she is trying to round us all up and is hunting Renae, because she doesn't think it possible that Renae could have already gotten up and out of the tent and she could obviously see me since she has me all lit up. After Nae got the rain top on the tent it started lightning and by this time Daniel is on the back porch making sure these three old ladies are okay and since we are all soaked to the bone and there is lightning it didn't take us long to realize we needed to go inside the house.
Yep, I think we are ready to go camping next weekend. Can't wait to see what we can do with a camp stove.
We are going to the carp tournament in 2 weeks and are camping out at the lake. Bought a new tent. A big tent. As Daniel calls it, our 3 bedroom, 2 bath condo with an upstairs. Nae and Daniel set up the tent yesterday. We spent the night in the new tent-- Nae, Grace and moi. We had 2 cots, a rollaway bed, that round outdoor couch that will sleep 2, a single blow-up mattress and Daniel wanted to put the love seat in there, but Nae drew the line on that one. Daniel was trying to figure out how to get a porta potty hooked to the sewer system. We still had room for stuff. We are gooooood.
We took the rain top off the side Grace and I were on so we could see the stars because, as everybody knows, there are no stars in Birmingham. It was good and cool last night. Admired the stars until we conked out. Not supposed to rain at all.
YEAH RIGHT. About 2:30 this morning the sky fell in and POURED water on me and Grace. Nae left her side of the rain top on, guess she's seen the stars before. I'm dead asleep and can't figure out why I'm all of a sudden drowning and then I hear Grace say "is that on my face." I'm yelling RAIN. Nae gets up, races outside the tent barefoot and has to run from the back to the front of the tent several times to get the rain cover on. And THEN it started lightning. My eyes are still trying to focus what with being sound asleep and now drenched and I'm still trying to find my shoes which, by the way, had migrated to underneath Grace's cot. And then Grace realizes it is raining on her and turns on her flashlight/spotlight IN MY FACE, blinding me, because she is trying to round us all up and is hunting Renae, because she doesn't think it possible that Renae could have already gotten up and out of the tent and she could obviously see me since she has me all lit up. After Nae got the rain top on the tent it started lightning and by this time Daniel is on the back porch making sure these three old ladies are okay and since we are all soaked to the bone and there is lightning it didn't take us long to realize we needed to go inside the house.
Yep, I think we are ready to go camping next weekend. Can't wait to see what we can do with a camp stove.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
NAE NAE GETS A TWO AND MOM GETS THE TONGUE
As per my usual routine, before my daughter abandoned me and moved out west, I would spend the weekend at her house where I wowed everybody with my unique Karaoke style. This particular weekend, however, we were busy getting ready for a baby shower. We made a fabric-covered photo album, a matching fabric-covered picture frame, and there was enough of the material left over to make a matching quilt. Nae lived in a tri-level house and I was on the lower level, sitting on the floor, pinning all the pieces of the quilt together when in through the front door comes Renae with a large animal. I asked her where she got the Clydesdale and she said it isn't a Clydesdale, it is a Labrador retriever. As one of her elderly friends already had 3 dogs she couldn't take care of she called and asked Renae to please take this dog. Since this was the second Labrador the elderly friend had been given she named her TWO. I'm thinking oh big woo, Thing One and Thing Two and that Renae is adding yet another thing that eats and poops to her menagerie. Now you have to understand there is just something about me and animals. For some reason they seem to like me.
So I am sitting on the floor, left leg stretched out on the left side of the quilt, right leg Indian fashion, bent at the waist pinning this thing together, when Two trots on down the 4 or so stairs, waltzes right over next to my outstretched left leg and cuddles right next to it. Which was FINE, except when I needed to wiggle around a little bit I couldn't get Two to move. I didn't want to move the quilt pieces because they weren't pinned good yet and I kept telling Two to move. Finally pushed her and she reluctantly moved just a little. I was able to shake my leg a little, and then I starting pinning more on the quilt. Two once again snuggled up to my outstretched left leg and this time when I told her to move she threw her front right leg over my leg and pinned me there. After much coercion she finally moved and I just kept pushing her to go away because I had only so much time to get this quilt done before my big Karaoke special! She moved away and I couldn't see her. Yay, she is leaving me alone. I once again bend over the quilt and started pinning it. I never saw it coming. Two came on the side of me, stuck her tongue in my left ear and it came out my right. That quilt NEVER got finished!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
BARE BEAMED AND BUTT NEKKID
I like to do yard work. When I'm working in the yard I tend to pay attention to nothing but the task at hand. My husband is always telling me to pay attention to my surroundings, but I was born with a one-track mind. We bought about 13 earth boxes and filled them with veges. I am a stickler for cleanliness and orderliness. My husband, on the other hand, well let's just say opposites attract. I wanted the boxes in an area that was easily accessible for me to keep the weeds whacked and he wanted them 3 feet from the fence which is exactly where he stuck them. He was in his "toy box" making yet another fascinating thing out of steel, and I was weedwhacking around the earth boxes and the fence and planning how I was going to get even with him for where he stuck those earth boxes while I was at the grocery store. After I weedwhacked I used the loppers to cut chinese privet out of the fence. I was really into getting rid of that privet when I noticed something felt strange about my legs. I couldn't really tell what it was and so I kept cutting the privet. I bent down to pick up the cut privet and saw that both of my shoes and pants up to my knees was completely BLACK with fire ants. As the lead fire ant blew his bugle for his mighty army to chomp my flesh, right there in the back yard, for all the world to see, in broad daylight, as I was making a bee line out of that fire ant nest I came out of my shoes and my socks, all the while doing this running/hopping/flopping/sliding maneuver up the hill while pulling my pants and bloomers off and I dove into the pool. Hmmmm. All my clothes are on the ground well away from the ladder, there were certain parts of ME that went UNweedwacked most of the summer, and about the only thing I was wearing when I dove into the pool was a long tee shirt and half a zillion fire ants. Might as well do some water aerobics cause it was a long time til nightfall. I didn't dare SWIM because, well, moon over Miami. About an hour later my husband came out of the toy box, saw me in the pool and asked if I wanted a float. Told him naaa, I didn't think so, because I was bare beamed and butt nekkid. He didn't believe me as he was tossing in a float. I told him to walk around the pool and when he did he was dying laughing as he followed the trail of my clothes. He picked them all up for me. He was kind enough to put fire ant bait along the fence line and fetched me a robe. He missed the whole show, but it took about a month for him to quit grinning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)