BARE BEAMED AND BUTT NEKKID

I like to do yard work. When I'm working in the yard I tend to pay attention to nothing but the task at hand. My husband is always telling me to pay attention to my surroundings, but I was born with a one-track mind. We bought about 13 earth boxes and filled them with veges. I am a stickler for cleanliness and orderliness. My husband, on the other hand, well let's just say opposites attract. I wanted the boxes in an area that was easily accessible for me to keep the weeds whacked and he wanted them 3 feet from the fence which is exactly where he stuck them. He was in his "toy box" making yet another fascinating thing out of steel, and I was weedwhacking around the earth boxes and the fence and planning how I was going to get even with him for where he stuck those earth boxes while I was at the grocery store. After I weedwhacked I used the loppers to cut chinese privet out of the fence. I was really into getting rid of that privet when I noticed something felt strange about my legs. I couldn't really tell what it was and so I kept cutting the privet. I bent down to pick up the cut privet and saw that both of my shoes and pants up to my knees was completely BLACK with fire ants. As the lead fire ant blew his bugle for his mighty army to chomp my flesh, right there in the back yard, for all the world to see, in broad daylight, as I was making a bee line out of that fire ant nest I came out of my shoes and my socks, all the while doing this running/hopping/flopping/sliding maneuver up the hill while pulling my pants and bloomers off and I dove into the pool. Hmmmm. All my clothes are on the ground well away from the ladder, there were certain parts of ME that went UNweedwacked most of the summer, and about the only thing I was wearing when I dove into the pool was a long tee shirt and half a zillion fire ants. Might as well do some water aerobics cause it was a long time til nightfall. I didn't dare SWIM because, well, moon over Miami. About an hour later my husband came out of the toy box, saw me in the pool and asked if I wanted a float. Told him naaa, I didn't think so, because I was bare beamed and butt nekkid. He didn't believe me as he was tossing in a float. I told him to walk around the pool and when he did he was dying laughing as he followed the trail of my clothes. He picked them all up for me. He was kind enough to put fire ant bait along the fence line and fetched me a robe. He missed the whole show, but it took about a month for him to quit grinning.